Tag: introspective

Revival

Sunshine radiated off the water’s surface
And my burnt skin felt warm to the touch for the first time in years
Clarity flooded my mind as the light broke through the trees
The fresh air flooded my lungs
And the summer heat began to cast away all remnants of the sea
My surroundings are more barren than usual
But it has allowed me to see what was lost in between
Gray cities and broken concrete 
Suffocated me until there was almost nothing left 
Nature has returned me to my roots
Found deep within the desert terrain

Obstinance

I’ve come to the understanding
That my mother and I are two different people
We’re cut from different cloth
Our brain chemistry is made up of opposing stardust 
I’ve agreed to harmful validation,
Just to temporarily bandage a void that’s been scar-tissue for decades
I can recall being enamored with real mothers on television
And growing envious of my friends for their own 
I look into the eyes that are pieces of me
And wonder what my mother didn’t see in mine 
While knowing at times, my own reflected the shine of hers too 
Understanding is all I have left,
Because forgiveness is no longer an option

Companion

Seeing yourself through the eyes of the people you love
Has got to be the cruelest form of heartbreak
It’s where all of your imperfections live
And the many parts of you go to die 
Second-guessing even the most basic forms of existence 
Your natural thoughts and behaviors 
Become mirrored by the eyes of others
I could have
I should have
Why didn’t I?
The burden begins to feel like a sickness
It envelopes your being with every step you take
Every thought you think
Every word you speak
Until the quiet corners become your only escape
The only places where you can hide for a little while
And you no longer have to worry about who can see you
Or what they think of you
And your only company is that black dog who’s waiting
And he doesn’t see you any differently
He doesn’t think you’re too much 
Of something you’d eventually learn he hates
Instead, he waits patiently at your feet
Accepting you for exactly who you are

Penance

I realize there is no going back,
Even if I tried 
What I replay most in my mind
Will always be stained with regret
All of the times when I should have stayed
The television blaring with repetition 
Mumbles beneath your breath, filling me with aggravation
My own anxieties hostage in another space,
Trapped in the hands of a stranger 
I am endlessly filled with sorrow for not being wiser
For not turning off my phone
For willfully ignoring my surroundings 
For the way my chest tightens
When I think about all I’ve lost
That it was all for nothing, and I can’t go back 

Lexeme

The things I have been through
Have been written down
If you look close enough,
You’ll see the many times
I’ve died over the years
Hands
Where they never belonged
How different I would be
If I’d had the courage to say no
But I have never been very good
At knowing what’s best for myself
Even in the moments
When I knew something was wrong
I allowed myself to go unnoticed
And chose to regret this later
The decisions I have made
Have always come at a cost
Until my soul
Was left an empty shell
I would repair this, you see
But there is very little fight
Left within these pages

Woe

The walls
Scream with the violence
From the cutting room floor
And I would be remiss
If I ignored the voice it deserves
But it taunts me from the corridors
Hiding behind weathered, cracked glass
Displaced eyes looking in
But never taking enough notice
My own eyes fully aware,
Still always blind to the truth