Penance

I realize there is no going back,
Even if I tried 
What I replay most in my mind
Will always be stained with regret
All of the times when I should have stayed
The television blaring with repetition 
Mumbles beneath your breath, filling me with aggravation
My own anxieties hostage in another space,
Trapped in the hands of a stranger 
I am endlessly filled with sorrow for not being wiser
For not turning off my phone
For willfully ignoring my surroundings 
For the way my chest tightens
When I think about all I’ve lost
That it was all for nothing, and I can’t go back 

Lexeme

The things I have been through
Have been written down
If you look close enough,
You’ll see the many times
I’ve died over the years
Hands
Where they never belonged
How different I would be
If I’d had the courage to say no
But I have never been very good
At knowing what’s best for myself
Even in the moments
When I knew something was wrong
I allowed myself to go unnoticed
And chose to regret this later
The decisions I have made
Have always come at a cost
Until my soul
Was left an empty shell
I would repair this, you see
But there is very little fight
Left within these pages